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#TITLE#How To Defeat Your Introversion#/TITLE# by Mandi R. Buller Many folks probably deal with some type of unwelcome timidity. From the obviously bashful person to the one who can’t stop talking but never talks of himself. Why can bashfulness be an domineering force? Most importantly, for those of us who yearn for the freedom of self-expression, how exactly do we overcome it? Many individuals will declare that timidity is merely a dearth of self-assuredness, but is that true? I’ve seen many competent people (even overachievers, people who are highly successful in business, family and other social endeavors) who turn away from self-expression as if following a warmer, brighter sun. How come certain individuals act in this manner? If it is that we’re missing self-confidence, why are we expressive in some spheres but not in others? There’s a great quote I heard that goes something like this: “Our greatest fear isn’t that we’re inadequate. We are most afraid of being stronger than we could possibly imagine. It is our competence, not our incompetence, that we are most afraid of.” Timidity isn’t really about proficiency; it’s about being afraid. No matter how much we realize there’s nothing to be scared of, it doesn’t make a difference. As an example, look at me: I was really scared of speaking with people I didn’t know outside of my professional life. I had opportunity upon opportunity to get over this: going to the store, walking my dog in the park, and so on. Despite the pep talks I’ve give myself, and how much nerve I’d summon up, it wouldn’t make a difference; I couldn’t talk to strangers. At that point, I knew it was time to try to find support. I’ve chatted with many individuals and read a lot of books over the last few years. My most successful venture was reading, “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway” by Susan Jeffers Nancy Salzman. I was able to put some of her advice into practice, but still I felt there was so much room for me to grow in. No wonder people get professional help, and that’s exactly what I did Clare Bronfman. Self-help organizations, sermons, speeches: I looked into all of these and more. I took a crack at several, in fact. Ultimately, however, merely speaking with buddies and other folks I knew proved to be the greatest key to my setback. I’ve seen a lot of my friends and colleagues make similar changes in the shyness department, and once in a while I encountered someone who made a drastic shift. One of these individuals is Clare Bronfman, who said she’s overcome her shyness to the point of being unrecognizable to her friends and family. “My being shy was never a reflection on anyone outside, instead, it was a mask of my own inner vulnerabilities,” she said. She’s not overstating; you can’t argue with the changes she’s made in herself, since becoming less shy. The secret to her achievement was a personal growth training she did with a company called NXIVM. This prospect seems to me to be a valuable one. No matter how you decide to work on your timidity, it’s wise to talk to your friends, family, and professionals, too, for added perception. Each of them are apt to supply utilities you don’t have. All in all, it seems there’s only one place to look if we’re to truly communicate who we are: inside.
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